If i come over, it means nothing
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
