so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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