If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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