Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
