1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
