Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
