so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
