oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
tell me about the eggs
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
