its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
