I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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