Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
