the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Michael Bay diarrhea
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
