Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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