it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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