Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need to calm my uterus...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
