ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
