I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
