garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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