I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He better not be in your backpack
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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