My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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