if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
