Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
