Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
