I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
