Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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