a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
