One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
