: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
