Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
