you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
