Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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