Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
