Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
