Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
did i just pee glitter
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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