I'm drive I can fine osifer
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
