Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
