oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
