My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
