All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
