I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
