LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
