I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
North Korea, Best Korea!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
