Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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