there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
