The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
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Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
3 2 1 whiskey
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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