her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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