i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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