Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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