she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
