you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
