I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize