I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
NoShamevember. You game?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
