Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
