Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
