it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
