I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
