kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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