I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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