with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize