you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
