I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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