dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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