Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
