apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
