I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
