I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
