worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
